Conversations With Uncle Carl: Marriage Equality

by roopa swaminathan

Published in The Lark Magazine

Conversations With Uncle Carl: Marriage Equality (The Lark Magazine)

Uncle Carl always liked to have the last word except when auntie was around.

My dearest 72-year-old uncle Carl can be mean AF. He is often miserable (by choice) and always, always, ALWAYS has to win every argument (at least with me). He also likes to sneak in the last word — always.

In case you think this miserable man was a misogynist… perish the thought. He is probably a misanthrope if anything. But uncle Carl is all about rights and equality and equity for all. He is more feminist than a lot of women I know. So, yeah…despite his general sense of churlishness and wallowing in misery at How much the world and humanity suck! Uncle Carl is basically an awesome human.

So, that day, I was verklempt at what he almost did for me. A bunch of us family members were discussing marriages — funny, how the conversation can start with how A-Rod sucked as a Yankee or how Chris Pine has had Botox injected on his face but always end up with the conversation shifting gears to my unmarried status with at least one family member pointedly asking me as to when I was planning to get married and did I envision dying an old maid? After pulling Uncle Carl from almost physically assaulting said family member… our conversation shifted gears to discussing gay rights, especially their right to get married.

I’d just read somewhere about some country outlawing the LGBTQ community in their country from getting married and was pissed and launched into my diatribe.

“Even though there are many countries that’ve legalized gay marriages and kudos to them all — there are still many that won’t even hear of it. Circa 2021 — it still continues to be a hot-button topic in so many parts of the world and this issue is still blowing in different parts of the world. It’s heinous. Like…it’s 2021. Get over yourself, people. In a world where the pandemic has shown us how fragile life can be — there are still morons who are against gay rights and their right to get married.”

I looked at the crowd in front of me for applause and turned to uncle Carl for support. No clapping sounds emerged even though I could tell that some of the family were grappling with wanting to disagree with me. But one look at uncle Carl and the crowd shut up.

And uncle did not disappoint.

He looked proud at my passionate stance even as he shook his head seriously and said, “It’s so unfair. We don’t choose who we love. We just do. Everyone should have the right to marry. Seriously. Everyone.”

And then he turned to his wife, auntie Mabel, fondly.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my dearest auntie was with us when said conversation was happening? Well, she was. She’s yin to my uncle’s yang. Or vice versa. Or whatever. They’d been married for over 40 years and were tight, thick as thieves. Or something like that.

They were my #couplegoals.

Auntie Mabel glared at uncle Carl and drawled,

“Absolutely. Everyone SHOULD have the right to marry and experience what it means to be tied to one single person your entire life. One. Single. Person.” She then looked directly into uncle Carl’s eyes and said, “Your. Entire. Life. Seriously, why should heterosexuals be the only ones to suffer?”